i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
