And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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