allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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