Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh god it's open bar.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
