I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
