I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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