I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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