You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
