my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
