yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
