Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm passing your future prison.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
