5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You took a bar mat shot.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
