Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
