Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
