this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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