sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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