Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
