The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
