Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
