The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Are we still banned from the library?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
