I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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