she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
