Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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