life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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