cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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