Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
