3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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