remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
