halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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