Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
