She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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