I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
