every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
im on a boat
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