I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
