So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
