Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
