hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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