Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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