It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
