I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm too high and old for this...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
