Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
