i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
