you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
