All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
