ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
