I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
