So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
