just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
