I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
