I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
