Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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