This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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