I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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