Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
