names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
