then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
