Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
