He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
