Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
