Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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