tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
