I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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