thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
