She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
