Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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