my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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