Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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