Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
