Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Welp...herpes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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