if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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