I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
