i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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