I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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