What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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