so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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