wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
