Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
