tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
