The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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