he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
