Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
