after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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