Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
